Disclaimer

Comments Off on Disclaimer | September 20, 2019

No animals were hurt in the making of this site. This site is dolphin safe, contains no cholesterol, is high in fibre and not for the faint of heart. In case of emergency break glass. Buckle up – it’s the law. Do not turn upside down. Do not use while sleeping. May cause drowsiness. Do not operate heavy machinery or drive while using this product. For indoor or outdoor use only. These views do not necessarily represent the views of the management of this web site or its advertisers. Exits are located at the front and rear of the building to either the right or left. The surgeon general has found that quitting smoking decreases the risk of heart disease, tastes great, less filling. The site may cause heart murmurs, liver failure, urinary tract infections, hearing loss, kidney disease, skin cancer, brain tumors, genital herpes, head lice, tooth decay, memory loss, gout, shingles, rickets, gas with oily discharge, frequent bowel movements, and ringing in the ears resembling ten thousand screaming banshees. This message does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my friends, or various alter egos that I may, or may not, have exhibited in the past, present or future; all rights reserved; you may distribute content freely, with my permission but you may not make a profit from it. You should have read the small print, your A$$ is mine; terms are subject to change without notice; this message has not been safety tested for children under the age of 3; illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail; intended solely for the private use of my audience; any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental; do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law; hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle; your mileage may vary; no substitutions allowed; for a limited time only; this message is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted; caveat emptor; prices may vary in Alaska, Hawaii, and East Kilbride; messages are provided “as-is” without any warranties; reader assumes full responsibility; past performance does not predict future results and people can and do lose money; an equal opportunity message; no shoes, no shirt, no message; quantities are limited while supplies last; if any defects are discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an authorized service centre; read at your own risk; parental advisory – explicit lyrics; text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised; keep away from sunlight; keep away from pets and small children; limit one-per-family please; no money down; no purchase necessary; you need not be present to win; some assembly required; batteries not included; instructions are included; action figures sold separately; no preservatives added; slippery when wet; safety goggles may be required during use; sealed for your protection, do not read if safety seal is broken; call before you dig; not liable for damages arising from use or misuse; for external use only; if rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading; read only with proper ventilation; avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place; keep away from open flames; avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes; do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit; do not place near a flammable or magnetic source; smoking this message could be hazardous to your health; no salt, MSG, artificial colour or flavouring added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a physician; may cause drowsiness, alcohol may intensify this effect; use caution when operating a car or dangerous machinery; possible penalties for early withdrawal; offer valid only at participating sites; slightly higher west of the Rockies; allow four to six weeks for delivery; must be 18 to read; objects in mirror are closer than they appear; disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.); other restrictions may apply; contest ends 31-12-2030; contents measured by weight only, contents may settle in transit; May cause random outbursts of extreme violence, epileptic seizures, or whatever; actual message may differ from illustration on box. Etcetera, etcetera.

Basically what I’m trying to say is nothing is my fault.

You were warned.